three

I'm starting to realize how closely love and fear work together in this life, and quite frankly, it's terrifying. When we're afraid, or feeling fear, we often seek love. We seek that comfort, that soothing release that calms us. When we're feeling love, we often fear the absence of it. How did we reach a point in life where these two incredibly strong sensations coexist so naturally with each other?

fear

1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling:an abnormal fear of heights.

3. concern or anxiety; solicitude:a fear for someone's safety.

love

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

We've all heard the notion that opposites attract, and we need a yin to our yang to feel balance, but when did we establish that these two [profoundly different] emotions NEED to work within each other? As we all navigate through life together, I think it's important to accept that each of these emotions stand alone. There are times for fear, and there are times for love, but they don't need to balance each other out at all.

Reflecting on my last relationship, I know how much love I felt in my heart for a man who, at a surface level, was perfect. But I also recognize the fear I held in my heart to be with and experience another situation of physical altercations, and I knew he would never. So I stayed. I stayed through the narcissism. I stayed through constant emotional abuse. I stayed through being put second, third, fourth, fifth, so on and so forth, to other women, to other plans. I stayed because I was afraid I would miss out on the one. I stayed because I was living in fear. So I loved, and I loved hard. And that process broke me harder than I'd ever been broken.

Fear is such a natural emotion to have. We're afraid of the dark. We're afraid of getting fired. We're afraid of snakes. Of spiders. Of losing friends. Of losing family. We're just afraid. But why? Where did we develop such a strong level of fear that drives all of our decisions? And more importantly, how do we navigate ourselves out of that lifestyle?

There's a lot of talk in the world right now about self-love, especially with women. I find it incredibly beautiful that women are growing to be unapologetic. I appreciate a fearless individual who makes a decision out of love and love only. And I genuinely, with all of my heart and soul, believe that is the answer.

Yesterday I was at the airport waiting for a flight, having a conversation with two men: one who was recently divorced, and another who had been married and divorced several times. They were tens of years older than me, and I remember saying in the midst of the conversation, "Do we really need to conform to what another person who we encounter in our lives thinks we should be? Does it make us a better person to re-evaluate our lives because an individual doesn't appreciate our qualities or characteristics?" They both looked at me in awe, like it was an ideal they'd never heard before, and it was incredibly interesting.

Here's a lesson from my father that sticks with me everyday:

You start living with someone, and you realize that person leaves used q-tips all over the bathroom counter, and it starts to bother you. You start to get irritated, frustrated, catch an attitude. Does that make you a better person? If it bothers you that there are q-tips on the sink, pick them up and throw them in the trash. If you can't do that, and it continues to bother you to such an extreme, don't live with the person. But there is nothing wrong with either. Your preference doesn't entitle you to feel above another person. Your preference is not a reason to engage in any negativity. Your preference is not enough for you to not love another human being. It is your preference, and your preference only. And in life, you can take your preference elsewhere, where there will be someone who fits with you.

Now listen, I know the lesson is very trivial. It's small. I get it. But why can't we apply this to every aspect of our life, big and small? Why can't we eliminate fear, and live a life of our choice, and trust that the people who are supposed to be in our lives will be? Why can't we love everyone, while also accepting that they may not be for you?

The more I got dragged down by my last, the more I wanted to live by this. And the more I started living my life and loving EVERYONE, the happier I became. My heart is full. And no, I don't necessarily like everyone in my life, but I love them regardless. Because even though they aren't for me, they are for somebody else, and that is what makes their life beautiful. There are certainly things I don't wish for in my life, but I'm not afraid of those things anymore, because the more I love, the more love I receive, from God, from family, from friendships, in career goals, personal growth, dreams.

We don't need everybody. We need ourselves. When we truly have our own self, the rest of your life will fall into place in the perfect way that it is meant to.